"You'd Be Surprised How Much It Cost To Look This Cheap"

That line is a quote from the amazing Dolly Parton.  She has always been one of my favorite celebrities. I have loved the movie "9 to 5" since I was a little girl, and then after I grew up  I felt a connection to her on account of us both being quite busty. That line came to mind when I decided to write a post about how much goes into getting ready for a big night out for me.

My preparations for Saturday night have already begun. Weeks ago I had already decided what I was wearing. Then something happened to my dress which meant last Saturday I had to go shopping for something new. That caused me great stress because trying to find something only a week ahead of time seemed very last minute to me. Luckily I found a great replacement outfit that ended up not costing me a fortune ( usually last minute outfits are expensive), and the pieces are very versatile on their own. 

Then of course we know about my diet and exercise goal I set to look svelte tomorrow night. I just weighed myself, and I'm glad to report that as of a few minute ago I actually lost eight pounds since that post on March 2nd. I have mixed feelings about this. On one hand I'm super excited I can still drop some weight easily and fast at 29, but on the other hand that makes my normal behavior of pigging out on 3,000 calories in day, eating sweets daily, and then whining about not looking like I used to seem really pathetic and lazy. So I'm going to continue my recent, productive behavior ( with the exception of a few previously planned drinking nights) and see what happens. Who knows, maybe by Dave next month I'll have vanished completely. One could only hope!

Yesterday the preparation continued with the lovely Shelby doing a beautiful job coloring my hair. I must at all times keep up the illusion that I have stayed as blonde as I was at three. If anyone challenges this fact I can just say something dumb and their doubts that I'm truly blonde subside. So if you ever hear something less than genius come from my lips, just know it's all part of the deception. This also should explain all misspelled words, poor punctuation, and improper grammar present in any of my post.

This afternoon I have an appointment to see Brandy at Estetiques for my spray tan. I recently have started to enjoy my paler winter skin, but when it comes to exposing a lot of leg tan wins out. In the color formula she uses on me there is a dark, temporary bronzer, and I can't shower it off for 12 hours. This should explain any pictures posted from dinner this evening of me looking Latin.

Tomorrow things really get hectic. This is about how my day should go:

• wake up, go to the gym for final calorie burn session
• home for a quick bath
• 11 am colonic in G' Town ( removal of Pearl's Oyster House meal)
• manicure only appointment ( no pedicure required since Arctic weather prohibits showing toes)
• mess up at least one nail when getting into car, go back for re-touch
• come home to hopefully rest for about an hour ( more likely 15 minutes after picking up around the house for 45)
• pop in teeth bleaching trays
•  bath, apply hair gloss treatment,  shave, dry my hair, partially apply make-up
  
• don snow suit to keep just shaved legs warm
• remove bleaching trays
• go to Oak Court Mac counter for faux eyelash application
• get in argument with Mac make-up artist because I don't want their clown make-up technique make over
• come home re-shave legs ( due to unavoidable 2" hair growth in Arctic weather), flat iron hair, finish make-up
• get dressed in smokin' hot outfit ( when I tried it on for my husband last week he propositioned me)
• accessorize, change mind, re-accessorize, change mind, re-accessorize
• transfer handbag items, cram too much stuff into tiny going-out handbag
• make drink ( Firefly Sweet Tea Vodka to get back to my Southern roots)
• Rush out the door

The whole time fielding calls and text about final plans, what I'm wearing, friends wardrobe crises, last minute cancellations excuses, etc.

I'm curious if other girls have this same regime for preparing for a night out. This is not just because the evening is about me either. If this was a friends birthday, bachelorette party, or whatever I would be doing the same thing. I know my friend Ashley has the same ridiculous routine, but do any of the rest of participate in this kind of craziness?

I know no boys do because I live with one. This is how tomorrow will go for Greg:

• wake up sit around watching TV and messing around on the computer ( he does deserve it though while he's on Spring Break)
• leave dishes, used tissues ( he has terrible allergies), and all kinds of crap laying around the just cleaned house
• start drinking beer about 2 hours before we leave ( causing me a heart attack thinking he's going to be drunk and sleepy by 11pm)
• getting in argument with me that he won't be drunk and sleepy by 11pm
• falling asleep on the couch because while he may not have gotten drunk, he consumed enough alcohol to get sleepy
• getting up to get ready about 15 minutes before we're suppose to leave
• coming into my bathroom about 10-15 times to ask me annoying questions like: what to wear, who all is coming, when are they coming, when did I talk to them, now what exactly are we doing, why are we doing that, when are we doing that, why are you getting mad at me, etc..... All while I'm in a mad dash running around with one shoe on  looking for a lost earring and lost mind
• And then stand around staring at me with the "we're late look" like I've been sitting around with my thumb up my ass ( pardon my french)  instead what of actually been doing, getting ready FOR SEVEN DAYS!

So when you see me Saturday night or see the photos on my blog from Saturday night remember to complement me. Like Dolly says it does cost a lot to look this cheap, but it also takes A LOT of time and energy.

 Now do you see why birthdays always make us sick?